The local Chabad rabbi had a Cafe Kosher going on for a while every Thursday night. I have been wanting to go, but it felt uncomfortable. I probably have some prejudices, or at least preconceived ideas about Chabad in general, but didn’t have much contact with the individual people. Also, I can be a bit shy at some times, particularly in new situations, with a roomful of strangers. But recently I decided that I have to step out of my comfort zone, in order to grow. So yesterday I went. In one of Hillel’s small room about 20-25 students gathered, along with the rabbi, his wife and one very blond child. My assumption was that first there will be a talk and then dinner, but I mixed up the order. The rebbetzen cooks a nice kosher meal every week and they bring it over in big bowls. This time we had baked potato, (teriyaki/garlic glazed) salmon and salad. Once we settled down in a circle and were more or less halfway through our meal the rabbi started to talk. As I understand you can never know in advance what the topic will be. This time he read aloud the moving report of the Chabad rabbi from Phuket about the tsunami relief. Then he asked all of us about how do we reconcile the merciful G-d image with this disaster. The usual kind of answers were given. But at the end I was surprised to hear that he gave the same answer that was the bottom of my heart too. This kind of question cannot be answered. Therefore what one has to do is to help. And keep the faith (if one has it.) The rabbi closed the evening with a story about the 6th Chabad rabbi. Between 1941 and 1944 he published a weekly newsletter in Yiddish primarily trying to wake up US Jewry, but also provided news and other tidbits of information. In one of these he commented a Psalm. The comment said that there will be a large wave of water destroying significant amount of people, but it will help to unite the survivors and this will be a sign towards the coming of the Messiah too.I didn’t know how long Cafe Kosher usually lasts so I didn’t make specific plans for afterwards. But I knew that the relatively new Ramones movie (End of the Century is playing on campus. I could have made it, but instead a friend mentioned that at the local reform synagogue a famous author will lecture on “l’shon hara”, evil tongue, aka gossip. I never heard of Joseph Telushkin, but apparently in the US he is well known. He wrote over 20 books and on this night he was talking mostly about/from the book that was on sale: Jewish Literacy. The idea behind the book, 20years ago, when he wrote it, was to gather the basic most important term in 15 areas of Judaism and give a memorable, nonacademic description for each. He is a great speaker I enjoyed the jokes, although I don’t remember too many of them today, a day later. Besides being humorous he was also educational, we went through the Ten Statements (also known as Ten Commandments, but the Hebrew term would be translated the former way) and he made each of them memorable through stories.
On the “l’shon hara” topic only about 15 minutes was spent. It taught me things I knew, but in a collected way. The term covers true statements, because for telling lies about others there is another term, it is a different kind of offense. The problem with gossip that it is interesting. But he showed powerful examples how harmful it is. Good teaching to remember. Not that I would gossip too much, but even listening to it is bad. As he explained, that piece of information becomes the primary association of that person for us. He compared it to anti-semitism/racism in this way. JFK’s assassin was a regular (in US context read: white protestant) guy, nothing memorable, so we mostly remember his name only. Had he been a Jew or African-American that would have become a primary association and would have reflected upon the whole community negatively.
I particularly liked one of Rabbi Telushkin’s stories although it brought up sad memories for me. In the 50s there was an orthodox rabbi, who became a psychologist, specializing in substance abuse and addictive behavior, which at the time meant alcohol. He was working in a hospital, where once a pastor was brought in with the problem. One of the nurses informed the rabbi, that this new patient keeps asking for mouth wash. That has terrible taste and some very limited amount of alcohol in it, so if somebody drinks it it is a sign of serious addiction. The rabbi/psychologist visited the pastor and offered him the drug that would make him very sick if he would drink any alcohol at all. Once the pastor understood the consequences explained that he cannot take this treatment because during he mass he has to drink sacrificial wine. The rabbi suggested grape juice instead. This was not a problem for the rabbi, because the blessing is the same for both liquid in Judaism, but was not acceptable for the pastor. So the rabbi wrote to the bishop and asking permission that this particular pastor would be allowed to drink grape juice instead. The bishop didn’t feel entitled to make this decision. So the rabbi wrote to the Pope. A few weeks later a new papal decree was issued announcing that recovering alcoholic pastors are allowed to drink rape juice!
I had a friend, a classmate in high school, who I went to punk shows with. A few years after graduating from high school he was an active participant on the local, municipal level in the political changes, coordinating the roundtable discussions that eventually ended the communist, one party system. Many years later he helped thousands of Jews to emigrate from the Soviet Union to Israel and other countries. There were a few years when the route for most of them led through Budapest and he served them in all sorts of forms. By 1994-5 he started the process of converting to Judaism. I moved to the States May 1995 and had a farewell party. He came there with his bottle of orange juice. I learned that he got an implant in his stomach that would prevent him from drinking alcohol. A month later, when I was already gone from Hungary, he was dead. He drank. So this one is for you, Sampon. I will write my version of your story in more detail sometime, you are not forgotten.
This memory made me pensive for the rest of the evening. When we were hanging out after the lecture with tea/cookie and watching people getting their books signed by the author I was quieter than usual. I had some time to reflect on the evening. I realized that I really liked the Chabad part of the evening, it was a positive surprise. I knew of course that the rabbi is a nice fellow, as I chatted with him for a few seconds in the past. I also assumed that he is knowledgeable, as learning is a central task for Lubavitchers. Furthermore I suspected that he is compassionate, because that characteristic is another emphasized element in Jewish education. What surprised me (admitting my prejudice) that he came to the same conclusion as I did about the question of the disaster, although from a different angle. I thought he would say that it must have been G-d’s will. It was worthwhile to leave my comfort zone. I will be there next week too. I might get a pleasant surprise again. Or a challenge, or a new insight. I am actually looking forward which one(s).
The second rabbi, the funny one, was very professional. I am aware that the setting was different, more formal, being in the main room of a shul with hundreds of others. I enjoyed his lecture, laughed at his jokes, learned from him, was well entertained, but didn’t touch me deeply as much. (Except the memories he brought up in me.) At this time of my life I think I need the more personal guidance, touch. (Besides all the academic learning I am getting at school.)